Old ones, but worth a re-run!

A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her
life finally retired.  
At her next check-up, the new doctor told her 
to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.  
As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he
realized  Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.    
“Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?”   
"Yes, they help me sleep at night.”   
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep!”  
She reached out and patted the young doctors knee and said,  
"Yes, dear, I know that.  But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of
orange juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks.  And believe
me it definitely helps me sleep at night.”   
You gotta love Grandmas!

A  man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the 
gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.  The
baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or
I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.”  
Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, 
"Come on, honey. Take it or I’ll give it to this nice man here.”  
A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, 
"Come on kid.  Make up your mind!  I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. 
The last question was,  Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.  The 
question was worth 70 points or none at all.  One student was hard put
to think of seven advantages.  He wrote:
1)   It is perfect formula for the child.
2)   It provides immunity against several diseases.
3)    It is always the right temperature.
4)    It is inexpensive.
5)   It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6)   It is always available as needed.

And then the  student was stuck.  Finally, in desperation, just 
before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:

7)   It comes in two attractive  containers and its high enough off
the ground where the cat cant get it.  

He got an A.

An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying.  He calls his grandson to his 
bedside.  "Guido, I wan you lissina me.  I wan you to take-a my
chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me.”  
"But grandpa, I really don’t like guns.  How about you leave me your Rolex
watch instead?”  
"You lissina me, boy!  Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a
home and maybe a couple of bambinos.  Then one-a day you gonna comea home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.  
Whatta you gonna do then?  Pointa to your watch and say, Times up! "

A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit
It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. 
"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?”   
“They're waiting for their husbands to  get off work," she replied.  
The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the 
truth?  Theyre hookers, boy!  They have sex  with men for money." 

The little boys eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"  His
mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes."  After a  few
minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?”  
She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."